Day before chemo #6

At the doctor's office today, everything went as usual. I showed him these two odd pigmentations that have been present and growing since second cycle, one under my left thumb nail and the other on the pad of my right forefinger. He says it's "kinda weird". Awesome. Anyway, the plan is to continue neupogen as planned, no concessions to me. The only new info is that we'll do CT c/sc contrast after fourth cycle and PET/CT after radiation. I ask him why; he says although PET is the gold standard, CT can give sufficient progress info at that point mainly because the treatment plan is still continued. When treatment ends, then we'll do PET. It's news to me, but if it means less radioactive tracer, it's good news.

Health Insurance for the Invincible

Insurance -- one of the biggest problems to face us when starting down the road of evaluation and diagnosis. I had this awesome insurance that was $50 a month, $1000 deductible PPO, 3 million lifetime maximum. Sounds incredible, right? It's the shining light that provides you what was out of reach, especially for a broke student or a debt crippled new grad. And you're like hey, I'm healthy, nothing will happen. Of course, stuff happens. When you least expect it. And that's when in movies it goes "Then, something went terrible wrong". The problem was that nothing met the deductible: no doctors visits, no blood tests, no scans, nothing short of major surgery, emergency, in-hospital catastrophes. There's no blockbuster hero here to tear up major bad guy bum. In fact, it got worse before it got better. Not really sure what the initial testing showed, I weighed the cost of paying out of pocket versus springing for upgraded coverage. The mark up for better stuff? About 5 times more than currently paid premium. And the dumbest thing ever is that I trusted my primary care doctor's office when they said my insurance would help with some costs. So naive. (What I should have done is call the insurance company directly.) By the time I realized this was skewering me financially, a better plan was denied because my health status was not "normal". In the end, I got Lucky, being shepherded into Wilbur's group coverage because of the fact that I had preexisting coverage. I just love an ironic ending. Anyway, it makes me AAAAAAAANGRY (with 8 A's) when people mention this type of insurance. Just say no!

p.s. check out who else is aaaaaaaangry. "I went through floor mats, foo!"

Re Days 103-05

Not affected? Not changed? Maybe, but you gotta look a little closer, like those "spot the differences" images in Highlights magazines. On Sunday we visited mega church Harvest then hit a sold out showing of "Shutter Island". It was cool, like Wilbur was my personal bodyguard-slash-bouncer. He can hear a cough from two pews away! Like his bacteria radar perks up and his eyes zoom in to give a death stare to the unwitting perpetrator. His body becomes a shield against wannabe germ invaders. Every little sneeze or sniffle sets him on high alert. Oh Wilbur, it's our day off and you're still working!

MDs, help!

I just got my last injection of neupogen, but it was the most memorable shot ever in the history of ouchness. Taking the dose right out of the fridge, label instructions say to keep it 36F-46F, nurse kristy apologized before jamming it in my tender arm. !!! She said it was due to the cold needle. A study in the Clinical Journal of Pain mentioned testing influenza injections cold vs room temp with no discernable effects and with the intent to study cold needles as a form of analgesia. What?! Is this nurse pulling my tail?

Ed. note: it's cold drug solution, not cold needle that causes nocioceptor disaster

random video of the day

beautifully spoken
http://www.theroot.com/multimedia/meet-faces-america-dr-mehmet-oz
watch the whole series if you're a seeker of your roots

go for the gold

On good days, life is remarkably normal. This day is one of those rarities; I feel better today than I have in about two weeks. It's amazing, liberating. Think about that moment when you know your cold or flu has lifted, and suddenly all of the nothings you take for granted are so charming -- no achyness, no dizziness, no sick feeling. Even my hair has reached a temporary detente with my scalp. It's clinging on for dear life.
Having gone through the last three treatments on a timely schedule, it's a great relief to be halfway to the finish. But also because the biweekly schedule is one that allows for just enough time for the white blood cell count to recover from its nadir, it's tantamount to letting my body reclaim its balance just enough to knock it back down. On these good days, I exercise, eat right, and try to get myself as strong as possible. I know I can power through the next three (incredible that it's so few!) treatments. It makes me consider those cancer survivors who do months and years of chemo and marvel at their perseverence. I don't know if I could handle any more without a tangible goal in sight.
These days, Wilbur and I are constantly speaking in future tense -- when we get out of this desert ... where do you want to live next? what job will you be at? when will we have kids? That definitely gives a firm grip on the next step.
Wishing you Hope, Dreams, and Faith

p.s. lunch menu coming up today - bo luc lac, (the shaking beef recipe from SF's Slanted Door. Oh, how I miss foodie restaurants!) which when wilbur says it, popo thinks he's saying bo good luck
p.p.s. recently i finished "The Boat" by Nam Le, short stories with voices from around the world, but including a story on the boat people. read it, it's haunting.

Can't believe the week is more than halfway over. So much stuff happened so quickly. Saturday was the day after chemo, so pretty chill. Cleaned the house for new year, always my favorite activity (I'm not even being sarcastic). Over time, the chemo is wearing me down, so I don't bounce back quite so well. Feeling tired and blimpy. Sunday, on the otherhand, was amazing. Slept all morning, then woke up to a surprise from my husband. Chocolate, flowers, monkey, and something pink; he really understands I need to feel like a girl again. We headed out to the local greek festival for lunch. It was small-town endearing, with a sea of white hair. Loukomades! Fried balls of dough drizzled with cinnamon, honey, and toasted nuts! Then slept all afternoon. Wilbur was so bored he beat Metal Gear Solid 4. V-Day dinner at Ruth's Chris. We were the only table in our section to get little confetti roses. Ha! Beat that, old people. Actually, watching these sweet old couples get all dressed up on their dates was really cute. Monday drove out to SG. So good to be home and so good to be surrounded by delicious, delicious food. Went to see Dr Lim at Cedars, who I highly recommend to anyone. Wilbur mocks me for being too clean and tells me to roll in the dirt. Return home with a tummy full of boba and (chicken) pho. Tuesday? LOST!!! Did you see all that light/dark/biblical symbolism? While monching on tang yuen (湯圓). Ahh, life is good. Wednesday, had to work, no time to read Lost blog on ew.com. Watched L Vonn and S White win gold. Thursday ... that reminds me, time to read Lost blog.